dearsportsmom.com

28 responses so far ↓

• 1 BS // Mar 13, 2008 at 6:08 pm

  Dear Laura,

  I am a physical therapist who deals with a lot of athletes and their commitments in their respected sports. I was also a devoted baseball player growing up who had a coach that would force us to give all we had in order to get better and make the team better. You bring a lot of great questions to the table regarding commitment, religion, and sacrifice. My father was also a great coach, but that did not matter when it came to what the coach wanted out of me.
  My feeling is that when you join a team, you join the commitment for the long haul. You should know what you are getting into before you start, as well as your son. That means the trips, tournaments, long nights, and such. If it is too much, he should not be in it. Teaching your son true commitment is something he will take with him forever. It is a part of learning to be a team player; that no one player is different than any other. Religion should not be sacrificed because he is holding onto that commitment. If religion is something instilled in his life, a weekend of ball to a team that is counting on him to show up will not change his faith or belief. It is unfortunate that easter was on that Spring Break week, but it is. In the quote of WWNRD, I would bet he would be the starting pitcher of game 1, then try to hit the evening mass after 2 hours of bicycling in the gym after the game. It seems your son has done well for himself as a pitcher; As much as the coach has changed his pitching mechanics, he will always remember the things dad taught him for a lifetime and remember those times they spent together. That is worth a million dollars. Hope this helps.

• 2 Darrell Coulter // Mar 16, 2008 at 4:29 am

  Laura,

  Thanks for the nice comment and for checking out the blog. Your question does present an interesting situation.
  As a Christian, my faith is not about religion it’s about a relationship with Christ. So first and foremost how does your son feel about it. You are correct, when it comes to college or pro ball you make a financial commitment, just like a job you should be there when your are scheduled. When I played with the Phillies they always had some kind of Sunday morning service available for before a Sunday game. But in this situation you need to talk to your son and decide what to do. There is not a wrong decision as long as he is playing to give glory to God. As for as the coach is concerned the way your son plays and what he does on the field should be what he forms any opinion of your son on. I would like to know why the coach questions his commitment. Is it based on his faith or is it baseball related. Laura you guys need to decide as a family. If your son is ok with it and you know where he stands with God than do what you want. Don’t feel guilty whatever you decide. God understands.
  Thanks Again and God Bless
  Darrell

• 3 EM // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:17 pm

  Remember Shawn Green, formerly with the LA Dodgers? He refused to play on certain Jewish holy days. I admired him for that.

  See this NY Times page:
  http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9D00E1DF1539F936A3575AC0A9679C8B63&fta=y

  To quote:

  - - -
  BASEBALL; Green to Observe Jewish Holy Day
  Published: September 5, 2001
  New York Times

  Shawn Green, the star right fielder for the Los Angeles Dodgers, said tonight that he would sit out his team’s Sept. 26 game against San Francisco in observance of Yom Kippur.

  ”It’s something I feel is an important thing to do,” Green said tonight, ”partly as a representative of the Jewish community, and as far as my being a role model in sports for Jewish kids, to basically say that baseball, or anything, isn’t bigger than your religion and your roots.”
  - - -
  Maybe we could learn from Shawn? Notice that he did this voluntarily. That’s the key - each person individually doing what they believe is right.

  EM

• 4 HY // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:33 pm

  I can really appreciate your situation with your son and his High School Baseball trip over the Easter holiday. I have struggled ( and still do) with many similar issues with my sons over the years. We are committed Christians and have always taught our boys that Christ and our Christian faith is the most important thing in life. I have 4 sons and 2 of them are very serious about baseball. My oldest son is 23 and just graduated from college. He played 4 years of division I baseball. My youngest is 14 and loves the game as much as his older brother. As you know with any serious baseball player there are always conflicts with family and church commitments. When I was young baseball tournaments on Sunday never started before 1:00 P.M. so players and their families never had to choose between baseball and church. Today, tournaments are scheduled with no regard for people of faith.

  Your situation is a little different because it is about a spring trip that I am sure the team takes over spring break every year. When it affects the Easter holiday it creates quite a challenge.

  Early in my parenting career I was emphatic that church was the priority anytime there was a conflict with an athletic event. I was never sure if I was making the right decision but I stayed the course for many years. Eventually I felt that I was being too rigid and softened my stance. Now I evaluate each conflict on a case-by-case basis. I may be leaning toward the opposite extreme now. My oldest son played baseball at a Lutheran University and of course the team had a game every Sunday at 12:00 noon during the season. Of course a parent has no control in the college situation but I had to decide what I was going to do as a parent and fan. I decided that the 4 years of college go too fast for me to miss any game that I had the opportunity to see. There were at least 2 years that my family was in church without me on Easter or we were all on the road watching the baseball team.

  There are also times when we miss church because my youngest son is in a tournament.
  I think that as people of faith we have to be true to our personal convictions. I cannot make decisions because of what a fellow Christian thinks. I must be true to my heart and do what is best for my family. Above all I want my boys to know our faith is a vital part of our lives. Even if we temporarily rearrange our priorities I think they realize the difficulty of the situation. I do not want them to become bitter and see their faith as a hinderance.

  I am sorry to ramble. When I read your email it really touched my heart because I know what a struggle it can be. I am not trying to influence your decision. I just thought it might help to know that your struggle is not unique. I think that your son will understand no matter what decision you make. If you do not allow him to go, he will know that it is because of your love for the Lord and love for your family. He may also learn that difficult decisions often come with unfair consequences. If you do allow him to go I am sure he will understand that love is your motivation as well. He will know that your desire would be for the family to worship together on Easter but that this year will be an exception. It sounds like you are committed to your faith and your family and don’t think he would see it as a reflection on those commitments.

  It is not easy raising children in the Christian faith today, but it is possible. I believe that the world needs to see that Christians can be active in our culture and also remain true to our relationship with Christ. I hope that I have made some kind of sense and that this response provides you some degree of encouragement.

  God bless you greatly,

  HY

• 5 PV // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:36 pm

  Hello

  I would recommend that you watch Chariots of Fire. I don’t know if you have ever watched this movie, but it speaks directly to your problem.
  As for me, if you don’t think that it is a good example for your kids to just skip Easter, I would not do it. Not playing one weekend, I believe, will not have a negative impact on your son’s future in baseball. It seems to me that his future has already been established regardless of what the coach says or threatens. The coaches try to make it more than it should be, because they are the ones who are worried about losing. Their egos get in the way and feel threatened.
  I think that your son will set a greater example by sticking up for what he believes in, instead of going with the pull of this world.
  Blessings to you,
  PV

• 6 MM // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:38 pm

  Dear Laura,

  Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. My son is a sophomore baseball player, so I can relate to your situation. Fortunately we have not had any issues with the coach’s scheduling so far. When my son was younger we gave into the temptation of “travel ball” thinking it would eliminate the possibility of him being left behind. We missed so many sundays at church that the conviction became overwhelming. Upon much prayer and consideration we ultimately let the traveling go and relied on God to have His will with our son. It certainly wasnt an easy step for a diehard baseball dad to take. Now that our son is in highschool he is a good player who is a starting pitcher and 3rd baseman for a team that has several state championships under their belt. I say this to emphasize the right decision isnt always the easy one. As a parent we obviously do not wish our children to pay the repercussions for our decisions, even when they are the right ones. I realize the obvious worldly views of your sons coach and can see some resentment there to say the least. That is unfortunate. Many or should I say most of these young men will go on to pursue other dreams outside of the diamond in the near future. How much farther ahead in life would they find themselves if they were learning Godly principles of life while playing the game. As a parent in this worldly invironment we must be steadfast in rearing up these important principles that others forsake. Your decision is not an easy one and I commend you for seeking wisdom from others. Talk with your son and make sure he understands your concerns of overlooking the reverance of such a Holy Day. In the end I would let him make that decision, as you wouldnt want him resenting you for making it for him. Much can be learned through this ordeal whether he chooses to play or not. A foundation of truth for future decisions. As I stated, its a tremendous burden for a young man to leave his team behind ,so dont be let down if he desides to go. A compromise would be to ask him to hold a bible study between games for his team. God can and will find good in a opportunities if allowed. Who knows, some young man may need to hear and see the good news of Christ. How awesome would it be for Him to use your son as the messenger on such a wonderfull day in the hearts of christians. I pray for Gods peace in your situation. I would love to hear the outcome.

  Your brother in Christ,

  MM

• 7 CS // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm

  Dear Laura:

  You have quite a dilemma. Several dynamics are coming together for you and your family that conflict each other. First and foremost, your Christianity should always come first. No negotiating! However, is God only with us at your local church? Could your son actually celebrate Easter in his own special way where ever he is? It sounds like he will be going to college to play ball next year and this may be your opportunity to show him that no matter where he is God requires us to acknowledge Him. I played college baseball and worshipped in every kind of church that there was according to what time the service started and what time I had to be at the stadium. It was in going to all the different services that I learned what religion I really liked, how different religions did things differently and how each religion still had God as it’s main focus regardless of the ceremony. It also gave me the opportunity to create relationships with other players that came from backgrounds that were different from mine religiously. I was raised in the Episcopal church because that is where my parent’s went. It is still a sticking point with my mom today that I don’t attend the Episcopal church but it was in college that I realized that I had needs different than she and my father did when it came to religion. I learned this on my own but baseball was the reason. Baseball is not totally sac religious! Ha Ha!

  As a coach myself, it sounds like your coach may be a little intimidated by your husbands knowledge of the game and obviously of his ability to coach at such a high level. I have bought all four videos and think they are great. It sounds like your son is going on a trip with the high school team not a select team correct? If this is the case, I think there will be repercussions for your son’s not attending the tournament. Baseball, as you know, is a team sport and although it doesn’t sound like the coach put any thought into the religious holiday that we all hold so dear, the team may suffer for your son not attending. From your description of the coach it doesn’t sound like you want to push his buttons with the chip he has on his shoulder.

  Again, I don’t envy you in this situation. However, if you think that your son can have an impact maybe you can turn this into a positive. Would your family be traveling to the tourney? If so, perhaps you could offer to have a short Easter celebration at some place for those teammates that would want to attend. Even better, if you aren’t going perhaps your son would like to share his faith with his teammates by volunteering to give some type of Easter message. This may be a situation that you find yourself in that can have an impact on your son and his teammates for an eternity.

  Just my thoughts.

  Sincerely,

  CS

• 8 SS // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm

  Hi Laura,

  Here’s my take:
  1. You said it: God is always first in our lives. Does that automatically equate to attending church? Specifically, does it always look like attending Easter services? I’ll let Scripture answer that: (see Matthew 12: 1-12), Matthew 12:12 “Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” The question is, what does it mean to do good? Obviously, what it doesn’t mean is going to church. That’s apparent from the context of the verse because Jesus isn’t condemning taking care of the sheep on the Sabbath as opposed to keeping Sabbath Law. What is does mean is really wide open. Could doing good mean keeping your committment to your team? Could doing good mean respecting the authority of the coach? Could doing good mean striving for excellence at great cost? Yes.
  2. All of us want to be obvious to others about our Christian testimony. Frankly, I’ve also found this to be the least effective. It comes across as “religious” and too rigid. The world is looking for authenticity, not religion. Our challenge as followers of Christ is to be as close to Jesus in our lifestyle as possible, not as “Christian” as possible. Sometimes there is a real gap in those two choices. When we let our image of a Christian be defined by organized religion (i.e., any local church) it can muddle the personal dynamic of our true faith. Playing baseball on Easter could be a better testimony than going to church. I know that sounds strange but think about it: isn’t Easter a man-made holiday? Isn’t that a day that masses of people who don’t know Jesus from the Easter bunny go to church to pay homage to religion? Take it from someone who planned many an Easter service–the answer is “yes”. It can be a great day to expose others to the Gospel, but practically it never seems to work that way. It’s fairly certain this coach you’re referring to doesn’t respect Easter, so are you going to convince him of its significance by pulling your son from the team to attend a service? No. Would you get his attention? Yes, but probably negatively and at the expense of your son’s affinity with the coach.
  3. Ultimately, your conscience must rule the day. Scripture says that if you think it’s right and you do the opposite, then you’ve violated your faith and conscience. Nobody should convince you to go against your conscience. I’m sure God will lead you into the right decision as no one else can.

  Hope this helps,
  SS

• 9 JA // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:54 pm

  Dear Laura!

  I completely agree with you. Kids’ sports activities should NOT interfere with religious OR family holiday weekends, even if it is high school. I think kids should be allowed the time to practice their faith and celebrate with their families during these times without being made to feel like they are less committed than other players. We also have this conflict even at the Little League level… we are struggling with Easter/Spring Break, Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. Children are still children and should be obligated to family and religion/spirituality during these formative years.

  Once kids are in college, this is different all together… this is a whole different level of commitment. But no pre college child should be forced to choose between sports and religion/spirituality/family.

  My advice… speak up to the coach with your child present. Let him/her know that your family appreciates the dedication to bettering you child at the sport however, the foundation for your child at this stage in their life is faith and family. In the long run, this will make them a better player. Respectively request the schedule to be changed or, if this is not an option, politely advise the coach that your chills will not be able to attend the game/tournament of that particular weekend.

  From a legal perspective (I am not a lawyer but know a little about discrimination/ retaliation issues), if the coach decided to treat your child differently because of the decision to practice your faith instead of play ball, I believe you could pursue legal action. This is of course a VERY extreme measure but it is an option.

  I applaud you for taking a stand. Please let us all know about your end result.

  Good Luck!

  JA

• 10 KC // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:00 pm

  Laura,

  Sorry you are experiencing this situation. I coach at… Obviously, Easter is “the biggest day” on the calendar. Not only do we not play on Easter but we do not play on Good Friday for it is the day in which our Lord gave his life for all of us. We do not play on Holy Saturday either because we are waiting with wonder for the Lord to rise the next morning on Easter. So…in my worthless opinion, Easter is a 3 day observance in which any aspect of life (yes, even baseball) takes a bow and awaits with patience, the risen Christ.

  KC

• 11 BB // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:04 pm

  Hello, Laura:

  As a dedicated Messianic Jewish family we deal with somewhat similar issues all the time.

  Should I coach, and should our boys play in, baseball games scheduled on:
  Saturdays [our Sabbath]?
  The Passover?
  The Feast of Weeks [what the Christian world calls the ‘day of Pentecost’]?
  Yom Kippur? [what the Christian world calls the ‘Day of Atonement’]?

  The issues we face as Messianic Jewish believers are slightly different than what you are dealing with, of course, because the Bible specifically mentions these days [Leviticus 23] and instructs us what things we cannot do on those days. The only day we absolutely draw the line is Yom Kippur, on which we are not only told to do no regular work, but are also told to ‘deny ourselves’. Based on this, Sandy Koufax made big news once by refusing to pitch in a World Series Game for the Dodgers, because that game happened to be on Yom Kippur. We have missed several games over the years for this reason.

  My father, however, was not Jewish [that’s my mother’s side of the family]. My dad was a main-line Christian, and for that reason I was raised with and played baseball within the context of his main-stream Christian value system and approach to this issue. For Christians, he would tell me, unlike for Jewish people [like my mom], the issue is not a Biblical one strictly speaking — as no passage in the New Testament specifically enjoins anyone to celebrate either Easter or Christmas [or Lent or Advent, or Good Friday, either for that matter]. The question for Christians, he would tell me, is thus purely a matter of conscience, of prioritization, and of maintaining a good witness.

  In your case, it is obvious that there is a difference in philosophy – as well as no small amount of professional competition if not personal animosity — between you, your husband, and the high school coach. That should, of course, have no bearing whatever on your decision as to what to do this Easter. If you let that enter into your decision, you are sending your son — and the rest of the team — the wrong message entirely. If this is seen — by your son, by the other players on his team, or by the coach — as a contest of wills between you the parents and the coach, you lose, and worse, the other players (especially those who are not Christian), will think you and your son are petty and negative in approach to life [like the media portrays both Jews and Christians these days].

  So take the coach and his bad attitude history completely out of the equation. Try to imagine that you — or your husband — were the coach, and that the Easter Sunday [or weekend?] event got scheduled on you by a force you could not control — a league or school district. Imagine no ill will, no malevolent intent, and no anti-Christian bias — Just the way the scheduling worked out this particular year.

  So, the real question, to me, seems to be what effect would your son’s participation in the game or event have on the following [in order of priority]:

  a. your son’s ability to observe the special day in a way that is meaningful to him,
  b. your family’s ability to observe the special day in a way that is meaningful to you and the rest of your family.

  What if, for instance, your family offered to arrange a mini ‘sunrise service’ on Easter Sunday for your son and any others on the team who wanted to participate?

  What if you purchased for your son to wear all week-end, and offered to purchase for other Christians on the team who wanted them, wrist bands on which you had arranged to be printed something like ‘He is Risen!’ or ‘He is Alive!’ or even ‘Up from the Grave He Arose!”?

  Just my ideas. I hope they help.

  Good luck!

  BB

• 12 DH // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:06 pm

  Dear Laura:

  I too have a High School Senior who will play spring baseball. I believe you and / or your husband need to approach the coach and let him know you, your son and the family lives by the simple rule: God first, Family second, school third and baseball fourth. You can go on to mention you would hate to see a kid get penalized for following this simple order in his life’s choices. Fortunately, our High School coach attends church pretty regularly and his wife would all but divorce him if he did an out of town game on Easter Sunday. Even if we said sorry he going to miss a game for what ever reason the coach would not penalize him because he needs the kid to play for the team. I suspect the same for your son.
  Thank you,
  DH

• 13 JC // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:07 pm

  Hi Laura,

  It was nice to read of your dilemma. And by all means, that is the kind of dilemma to have. It sounds like your wonderful family would make it through whatever challenges the Easter Holiday Schedule would provide. And you are soooo right- God and family first. I am such a baseball man ( my pastor knows that my men’s league plays on Sunday’s) and when it is in season I am on the field.

  But there have been occasions when family and spirituality have come first…and they always will. Baseball is a great game but it is just that …a game played by happy folks on green grass under the clear blue sky. Life , on the other hand, is no game and we succeed in life only with the help and support of our families and our father in heaven. I am tickled that you folks follow a spiritual path as well.

  I am in the process of opening my own training facility and look forward to having that accomplished by the end of the year. Well, a customer has walked in so back to the grind.

  Best wishes and god bless,
  JC

• 14 BT // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:12 pm

  Dear Baseball Mom,

  I totally understand and empathize with your dilemma. It seems that when you have a big sports minded family (4 or more people in the household, like I do), every family activity gets trampled on. However, I want to give you the other side of the story here…. First, your sons decided to play baseball, which is obviously a team game. Therefore, they are part of the team and are responsible to hold up their load within the team unit. Any baseball family should understand during the season (and high school ball has a very short season) the team is going to be relying on each player to uphold their load. Let’s just take the son who is playing high school ball now for an example. Let’s assume that he is a starting position player or pitcher within the starting rotation. He practices from February to the end of March and takes his position on the field (or bullpen time combined with mound time) every day, more so than the 2nd and 3rd string players. If the family decides early enough that your son will stay with you during Easter, your son may end up losing his spot and have to re-earn it. If you wait to tell the coach that your son is staying home, your son will get his practice time in while you wait, but will hurt the team by not letting another player get the reps in order to be prepared for the trip. If you even bring up your chagrin to the coach for scheduling games during a holiday, it may be the straw that broke the camel’s back if your son and another very similarly gifted player are vying for the same position. If your son is a 2nd or 3rd stringer and you do any of the three alternatives mentioned above, he will more than likely be stuck as a bench warmer even if he is good enough to move up a spot later in the season because the coach doesn’t think that player is willing to hold up his end of the load. Also, if any games during this trip are lost by 1-4 runs, the coach might use your son’s absence as an excuse, and if he does, it will be a hole dug for your son to have to crawl out of.

  Finally, it is common knowledge that many high school teams travel during the spring break. Many players only get one chance in their high school careers to go on a trip over night, let alone several nights. These trips help the players bond with one another prior to their regular season games. They are a pretty big deal for the players.

  Your coach doesn’t seem very tactful in trying to help you understand that your son is a very important part of the team, and as such, is needed every day at practice and at every game, subject to illness, injury, or family emergency. Without him, the team just won’t have the same chemistry. That can be said for each player on the team, no matter how good that player is. Conversely, if one player stays home and gets his starting spot right back when the team comes home for games, why shouldn’t other players be able to do the same thing and expect their spots back.

  If I were you, I would have a talk with my son’s coach and tell him that you were feeling a little selfish when you talked to him last. Follow that up with letting him know you will call your son to wish him Happy Easter from home. Finally, if the religious aspect of the holiday is paramount to you, you can feel free to request your son be excused to attend a church service of his choice Saturday night or Sunday morning.

  I hope I didn’t come across as rubbing this in your face. That was certainly not the intent. Good luck with the upcoming season!

  BT
  Baseball Coach and Family Guy

• 15 RW // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:17 pm

  Dear Laura,

  Decisions, Decisions,

  “Walking is easy when the road is flat but those blessed hills will get you every time”

  Reading between the lines of your letter I get the feeling your not this coaches greatest fan.
  By the sound of it he doesn’t have great people skills.

  Having said that it’s not the coaches fault that you made an over sight on the dates surrounding Easter & as your son is on this team he has a commitment to the team.
  I know Easter is a wonderful time for family to be together but being young there will be many more Easters to share with you.

  I feel for you as you sound like any caring mum would & should be, but I’m afraid he is committed to the team.

  Maybe not the answer you were looking for but having coached,trained & taught players for over 41 years I’m a great believer in people being committed once they have been selected in a team.

  Regards

  RW

• 16 RC // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:19 pm

  I sat down one day and listed my priorities in life and I decided to make some changes. My list of five read: Christ, Family, Friends, My Company & the Ducks and I do everything within my power to hold to these in this order. It is so hard to find a happy medium with others who do not believe, especially when they are questioning our commitment and at the same time we’re questioning our own faith if we give in.

  Easter is such an important date to us as Christians, this is the day Christ rose from the dead without decay to show the world that he was in fact the Son of God. Celebrating this day with our family and friends is important to our Father in Heaven because we’re acknowledging the sacrifice that was made and our belief in his divine power. I completely feel for you because I remember my baseball coach holding “voluntarily” Sunday practices in high school and college, but we all knew they were mandatory.

  I’m not sure where your sons faith lies or if you’ve had this conversation with him about attending this tournament or staying home to celebrate Easter. Do you read the Bible together? Does your family set aside time in your busy schedule to have a family Bible study? As a parent I would drop to my knees in tears if my son said, “Dad, I have decided to stay home to celebrate Easter.” This will be harder for you if he sees nothing wrong with missing Easter to attend this tournament. He might be more worried about what the coaches and players think and he could hold resentment on your for making this decision for him.

  I believe all we can do is witness to our children through prayer, scripture and fellowship and at a certain age they need to make the hard decisions. Maybe 16, 17 or 18 is an age where they need to decide about the relationship they have with Christ and where they want this relationship to go. All you can do as a parent is give them your best Christian effort to be the best example you can be by living your life for Christ and allowing your kids to see this on a daily basis.

  I hope this helps, my oldest is 9 and I’m already starting to have to make these decisions, but I know they’ll get even harder as they grow older. You are in my prayers and God Bless.
  RC

• 17 M // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:25 pm

  Hi Laura,

  This is a really interesting post you have here - one that is important to many moms. Thanks for sharing this.

  My two cents - This kind of choice will come up over and over the further kids get in baseball. If your kid has a goal to play professionally, like mine does, these kinds of sacrifices become a part of the game. Think of the major leaguers. They play through everything.

  It is easy to get distracted by the coach’s bad behavior and attitude. Does he deserve to have your kid make the sacrifice? Will he appreciate it? Of course not. But he is beside the point.

  Every family has to do what is best for them. We have decided to put baseball schedules before religious observances. God gave my son a passion and a talent for a reason. I think God expects him to develop it and use it for good. For us, it is most important how we relate to God on a daily basis more than a holiday basis - but then our religious tradition does not really encourage us to see certain days as more special than others.

  That being said, I TOTALLY RESPECTED Sandy Koufax’s refusal to play on Jewish high holy days. I think there’s not one right answer for everyone but there is probably a right answer for your family.

  I am very interested in how your family deals with the kind of coach you described. My son has run into more than one guy like this already and he is only 13. To some coaches my son is the just the kind of kid they want on their team and they think he is great. They can rattle off 5 reasons my son is a great player and a great team player. Other coaches are very like this guy you describe. When my son plays for a coach that does not have faith in him it undermines his performance, though we don’t give in to it. My son has always let his performance speak for itself but many times we’ve had to have long talks at home after encounters with these guys who want to tear him down. I have to help him put himself back together mentally afterwards. I’ve always thought there was an element in it for my son that pertains to him not having a dad. He somehow becomes a target for certain coaches. But you are having a similar experience and I can’t imagine a more involved or knowledgeable dad than Bill. So the lack of a dad must not be the problem. I would love to see an article or some advice about dealing with these scenarios. Obviously, teaching a kid to believe in himself and his dream NO MATTER WHAT other people say is important. I teach my son that the most important thing he can control is his own attitude. Still, these scenarios wear people down - kids and parents both.

  Thanks again for you question. And good luck making your decision.

  M

• 18 KW // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:28 pm

  God controls the whole world. He wants us to rest on the seventh day. He can use anyone to get His message out to world who is willing. He will open doors to tell others about Him. A door maybe baseball on Sunday, you know to be a witness on the field, in the dugout and post game. The spirit draws people to Himself, but He uses His Children to tell the world. I know it is important to be in church to worship God and read and study His Word so be in church as much as possible but also we are to live for Him 24/7 even if it is on the baseball diamond.COL. 3:23

• 19 M // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:29 pm

  Laura, I was struck by your email and would like to offer my opinion. I can certainly relate to the dilemma and ambivalence that balancing those things that you value. It’s not just in baseball, but in the workplace. For many years, as a busy executive I did not balance work and family. I thought I was sacrificing for the family, but I was wrong; it was all my choice. Unfortunately, it took too many years before I was forced to realize that what I was doing was not in the best interest of my family.

  I think that in baseball, some of these coaches like my former self; get very caught up in their mission. Many are young, don’t have families, and can easily lose perspective. Many are early in their careers and are sacrificing now to move up the ladder. That’s all commendable, at least until it does get out of balance. And not necessarily for them. You see, they like I was, are role models for the kids. The message they give, is sacrifice at all costs to yourself and others around you to achieve success. I’m not naive. I believe that certain “measures of success” cannot be achieved without sacrifice and lack of balance. But what is often missing in the equation is that its not just the imbalance in one’s personal life, but the imbalance one is creating in the lives of those around them. That’s what coaches, parents, bosses, teachers, etc.; need to be aware of. They can directly affect unintended consequences of sacrifice on many more than themselves. We can’t expect our kids to challenge this. Nor would my son and probably yours as well, want me to bring this up to the coach. We talk about this as a family. Even if we go along with the team, at least the family discussion raised the consciousness of our son. If we did want to pursue it further, we would query the thoughts of close friends on the team and if appropriate bring it up to the Athletic Director perhaps with confidentiality. That way, our son is not embarrassed if and when the AD discussed it with the coach.

  Now the tough part. If it was our family involved with exactly the same situation: In all likelihood, we swallow hard and participate in the baseball tournament. You know the story; college, team, coaches, other parents, player’s friends and teammates ……… Too bad that’s the choices that we are left with.

  tnx m

• 20 SS // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:32 pm

  Hello Laura: I hope you don’t mind that I am a dad instead of a mom in answering this topic.
  I feel we are in a world where religion just is not a priority in most people’s lives. Christ knew that when he came to this earth when he dealt with all the people. Sometimes Christ and his disciples would have to do things differently from the norm; for example, Christ would heal on the Sabbath, his disciples would eat grain on the Sabbath, etc.; everything had a purpose. See…for this coach baseball is god and it is a number one priority. Our purpose in our lives’ and for your son is to be a light in a dark world. How much better would it be for your son to be a witness to the team and coach to go play on Easter week even though the coach knows that Easter is very important for his family.
  Maybe your son can go find a Friday night service or Early Morning Sunday Service before the game and invite others to come. Or even take his Bible and read during that time. Wow…lives could be changed including your son. I say this because my son is pitching in High School and he is in the same boat as your son. I think you can come up with some wonderful creative ideas he can do when he is playing baseball during that time that would be incredible.

  God Bless,
  SS

• 21 D // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:34 pm

  Good for you!!

  I’m thankful to see that there are others who wrestle with some of these same situations. It seems like some of our athletics are way out of wack. And it seems like faith and family get caught in the crosshairs. And no matter how long a person plays sports our faith and family will last longer.

  Please let us know the response of the coaches–it seems there definitely should have been dialogue and while we would like to think there would be no repercussions for faith decisions we know that will not be true no matter what the coach or athletic dept. might say.

  D

• 22 M // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:39 pm

  Youth sports is so rewarding and gives kids a chance to stay fit and connected but….. THERE IS A LINE! That line is family values and commitment to one another. I know that our kids will remember a lot of things when they are grown. All the games I attended, the trips, their friendships, etc. These are the positives. I also know they will remember the negatives. The time they got sick during a family vacation, breaking an arm, the time I missed the first homerun of the season because I was at our other child’s game. These things I hate to think they will hold on to but they were unavoidable. The fact that the coach, and more importantly the league makes decisions that split families apart instead of bring us together is inexcusable. There are a few days you never sacrifice and EASTER is one of them. Don’t allow them to make you feel guilty about your own commitment to your family. Your son will have so many opportunities in life to make decision that challenge his values. It’s ok for you to be an example by setting up boundaries for your family. I hope you have a fabulous Easter. We did! It has been two years and my child has never mentioned the two games she missed. That says it all to me.

  M

• 23 J // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:42 pm

  Laura,
  You pose a problem I have wrestled with for awhile. Until last year I would have just told you to say no, stand your ground and grin and bear whatever happens. But my circumstances have changed which has changed my heart and now will just give you some things to reflect on which may help you in your decision. [The following points are not in any priority order]:

  1. What does your son want to do? To go and play with the team or to stay home to be with with family as we celebrate this occasion?
  2. What are the ramifications from the coach if your son does not go? Will he loose playing time or starting position. Is that important to you and him?
  3. What do you as a family want to do?

  But the most important question I see from your letter is, WHAT DOES GOING TO THIS TOURNAMENT SAY ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND MY WITNESS FOR JESUS?

  To this I say, is God only in a church building? Will He only accept our worship if we go to a certain building? NO! On the contrary, the early church met in homes [See Acts 2:46, 1 Cor 16:19 and Col 4:5]. How glorious to start a day with a sunrise service of your own inviting the team to join you! What a way to start a day of competition. If we keep Jesus at home and in a closet and only pull him out on Easter and Christmas when we attend our own church, then you need to stay home. But, if you live with Jesus as a part of your everyday life, then you have options.

  I hope this helps, I will keep you in my prayers as you search out the answer that fits your family.

  J

• 24 JB // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:50 pm

  Laura,

  I believe you have already answered your own question, in regards to sending out this email. You and I know what is most important, that is God. If you allow baseball to take place before God, what are you teaching your son. Baseball will someday end regardless of what happens this spring break but God is eternity. I believe your son will one day respect your values and decisions, even if he may get upset. The one question, I would ask yourself, “What do I want my son to do, when he’s a father and a similar situation occurs with his son? May the Lord direct your decision.

  Blessings in Christ,
  JB

• 25 JW // Mar 19, 2008 at 4:52 pm

  Priorities…..

  1. God

  2. Family

  3. Baseball / Other

  The time we are here is very short. The time we have with our kids whom we love even shorter.

  God Bless

  A Baseball Father

  JW

• 26 DM // Mar 19, 2008 at 10:26 pm

  Dear Laura,

  I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy or any other supernatural fairy tales. What has happened to the thousands of sky gods and fairies that humans have now forgotten about? There is no angry sky god who cares about all of his flawed creations. Wake up. Read a little. Think for yourself. The last thing anyone should worry about is the observence of some bogus religious holiday. Baseball is much more interesting, and it actually is real. By the way, if we get our morals from the bible, we are in big trouble! This world would be a much safer and more moral place if it wasn’t for all of these competing, silly beliefs in the supernatural. People can believe that the moon is made of cheese and worship a moon-cheese god if they want. When they come at me with their silly delusions like you have, I respond once and then I hope to not hear from them again.

  DM

• 27 EM // Mar 19, 2008 at 11:13 pm

  Dear DM,

  All of us have a “god”, whether we know it or not. Knowingly or not, we follow some person, or creed, or some desire in our heart, one way or another. Whether we know it or not, we worship and give our lives to something.

  Yes, some religious people are intolerant and cause conflict, but please don’t judge all of us in this fashion. Mother Theresa was a kind woman. Some of us believe that God the Creator of the Universe is the Prince of Peace and Love. God knows we need more of that on this fragile green and blue ball.

  For some, their God is money or power or lust or tobacco or alcohol. For others it’s leisure and luxury. For some of us, we choose to give this attention to our Creator. But we all have a god, whether we know it or not. Which is yours?

  Are you like the majority of we who are human - we see ourselves as a “god”, to be served and seen as the ultimate authority? I’m not good enough to be a “god”, and I’m thankful there is a loving God in charge.

  I choose the creator, the God of Love, but please don’t see me as some religious right-winger. I don’t condone the harming of anyone because of stale or misunderstood religious doctrine

  Ignore what I write, for I am but frail and imperfect, but you eventually have to answer one question for yourself - what, or whom, do you serve?

  Oh, and I will not be bothering you. I hope God will bless you anyway.

• 28 Harold Jones // Mar 20, 2008 at 7:04 am

  I am a disciple of Jesus Christ and nothing ever gets in the way of my relationship with Him. I also coach baseball, own an indoor facility and am on Staff full time with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. This problem of weekend tournamnets extends to many sports, not just baseball.

  I will suggest this. Make your sport your mission field. I regularly give a chapel service at local baseball fields on Sunday morning so I can reach the falilies who are missing church and reach the ones who never go. I bring Christ to them in their environment. Christ would do the same thing!!!! This is not a challenge for your son, it is an opportunity for him.

  Blessings and good luck. Contact your local FCA staff person and they can come out and do a devotion or find someone that will. http://www.fca.org

  Harold Jones

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