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I never gave much thought to the expression “I’ll clear my calendar” until this week when my Palm desktop program surprised me with a completely blank calendar. I had gone to the kitchen to clean up after the morning rush to get the kids to school, and when I came back to my desk all events since 2005 were gone…vanished…nowhere to be found! Then in my efforts to resuscitate my lifeline to sanity, I ended up losing all the same valuable information on my handheld too. My calendar had died, and I have to admit I grieved a tiny bit for what I had lost.

Keeping track of the lives of six people, there was a lot of information on that calendar - lots of records that are handy to have when filling out college applications, doctors’ forms, and an occasional MLB draft information sheet. Funny thing is, the more I looked at that blank calendar, the more I started to like it. I started thinking about what life would be like if all my days were so open. I could just imagine all the fun, new things I would do. Where would I even start? Would I visit art museums? Take a gourmet cooking class? Go fishing? Do volunteer work? I could do whatever I want, whenever I want. How crazy is that?!

Then a sense of loneliness started to sneak up on me when I realized that, in a few short years, my calendar could be that empty. I know that when my kids are gone, I’ll experience what other moms have warned me will happen - my time will be filled with all kinds of new commitments. But it won’t be the same. My identity right now is “Mom.” My kids are my reason for getting up each day, and I’m loving it. Although some days it’s hard to keep up juggling the circus of a houseful of teenagers, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m not looking forward to empty calendar pages. Suddenly, I felt an eagerness to start filling in those calendar squares again with things like the high school baseball schedule, open gym times for volleyball, travel schedules for tournaments, driver’s tests, doctor’s exams, birthday celebrations, school holidays and final exam schedules.

But this time I might add something new. Maybe I’ll leave a few blank spaces just for me, for when I feel like exploring the places where my thoughts wandered when my calendar died. In the meantime, my first new entry is going to be a lunch date with some dear neighborhood friends. When I received the invitation, I was happy to reply that my calendar was completely clear! How about you? What would you do if you suddenly had your calendar cleared?