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I usually don’t watch much television, and I especially can’t stand most of the reality shows that my daughters try to watch after school. I tend to find something to do in the kitchen while they watch TV so that I can censor things when they start getting really weird, or at least I can have a discussion with my kids that will make them think about what they are watching and use it to make better choices in their own lives.

So it surprises me to find myself sitting down to watch VH1 these days. Maybe you’ve caught the show too - I Know my Kid’s a Star. Does it just blow you away that some parents are so crazy?! Some parents will do anything to help their child become a Hollywood star. Like the mom who has spent $35,000 and quit her job to promote her 12-year-old daughter’s career. And the bickering between moms is escalating as some moms are viciously trying to knock other parents off by taking them mentally out of the game. It’s getting nasty, ugly….and interesting.

 I think the show process is bogus - they have no credibility in their selection process. Last night they told the moms that they were being evaluated on how much they could help their children while, at the same time, they could get along well with other parents. What a crock! They kept the crazy, pain-in-the-*#$@ moms. If they didn’t, people wouldn’t tune in to watch. We don’t want to see sweet, vanilla personalities. We tune in to see crazy, obsessed and over-the-top. And, as much as I can’t stand to listen to Danny Bonaduce, I have to admit that I want to see this show to the end.

The setting may be Hollywood for this show, but I think we could place these characters in a sports environment and have a similar story. Have you ever run across crazy people and ugly situations with your kid’s sports leagues and teams? If not, you must be new to the sports-parent world or you haven’t been paying attention. I hate to sound negative, but ugly stuff happens and it is important to look at how our own words and actions impact the lives of our children and the people around us. Parents have good intentions for the most part, but we all make mistakes. It is a good idea to look in the mirror - or the TV - and look closely at how I support my own kids as they reach for their dreams - especially since “I know my kid’s a star.”

OUCH! I woke up feeling the aches and pains of asking my muscles to do some work, so I went straight for some relief and took an Advil with my orange juice. Bill and I spent some time over the weekend shooting photos for the fitness book we look forward to printing soon, and I was inspired to recommit myself to the exercises I should be doing regularly. So I did all the body work exercises in the book and then went for a short walk/run…now I am keenly aware of where my weaknesses are. I’ve been struggling with sore knees and legs when I have tried to run recently, so I had taken time of to focus on getting rest and doing flexibility exercises to rehab my IT band. The soreness in the front side of my legs tells me I’ve got some strengthening to do now.

I thought I’d get back into the swing of things by doing “just” the body work exercises of our fitness programs. Well, it was a reminder of the incredible workout I can get in my own home without weights or equipment. Besides the soreness, I do feel so much better now. For one thing, it’s motivating to be getting back on track. And I have confidence that with a few more sessions, I will be feeling stronger and healthier every day. The other day, I had a few extra minutes at Macy’s and some bonus discounts, so I picked up a couple of new outfits for myself…something I never do since I’m always buying new clothes for my kids. I’ve been surprised at how the new clothes have given me a little motivation too. They fit well, but I can picture how much better I will look in them if I tone up my tummy and thighs. It’s even helped me say no to my afternoon mocha craving - my biggest weakness.

Summer is right around the corner! The sun is coming out more often, and I will enjoy a sunnier attitude if I am in better shape each day…even if I have to suffer through a little pain and take an occasional Advil with my breakfast.

I want to pass along to you this story of a high school freshmen baseball team who did the right thing. They chose not to whine, but to make a positive effort to turn a potentially rained-out game into a reason to celebrate. Instead of whining and complaining about poor field conditions, they pitched in to help prepare a muddy field so that they could play their game. I count my blessings every day to be living in a community that is raising such fine young men. Below is a copy of a letter sent to the high school head baseball coach and athletic director. To understand the story better, it helps to know that the home team, which was responsible for preparing the field, has a history of unsuccessful sports seasons and having lesser field conditions, while the kids who chose to be helpful rather than whine live in a community with a high rate of sports success and are stereotyped as spoiled, rich kids. I think some communities might do well to stop their whining and jealousy and take a lesson from these boys who know how to treat others. It’s also a good opportunity to reflect on my own actions and determine to which group I belong.

Meanwhile, enjoy this letter from one high school coach to the head coach of the opposing team:

I just wanted to take a minute to let you know what a great
group of kids and coaches you have at the freshmen level. Yesterday, as
we were trying to get our field ready to play, your kids and coaches
(without us asking by the way) helped us get the tarp off the field,
spread turface and rake out wet spots. I don’t think there’s any way we
would have gotten the game in without their help and they were
incredibly gracious about it. In similar situations in the past [not
with (your school), but other schools] we have experienced impatience, frustration
and ambivalence . Your group showed nothing but class and a desire to
get the game in. Please send my thanks to your freshmen players and
coaches. It is my hope that every team we play this year handles
themselves with as much class.Have a great spring break!(signed by the Baseball Coach)
M. High School

I am humbled by the responses I received in reply to my request for input on our family’s conflict between baseball and Easter. Many of you took time to give such thoughtful and positive suggestions. I could feel the emotion and caring behind so many of your ideas, and I appreciate your willingness to be open and share your comments with me.

What really touched my heart was hearing through your words how much you value your time with your children and that we all struggle with balancing our values and commitments. For the one guy who felt the need to rant about a “bogus religious holiday” and worshipping a “moon-cheese god” – I’m sorry but you missed the point completely. This conversation was about balancing what is important in our lives, whatever that may be to each one of us.

As it is with so many of our daily dilemmas, there is often not a right or wrong answer. Just good people making the best choices for the people they care about. This was not an exercise in finding the “right answer.” Rather it became a sharing of how we go about doing our best to follow our commitments to our families, our values, and the teams to which we choose to belong. Whether it is sports or work, there are things that take away from our time with our children. And some of us with older children are really feeling the tug of the future as our children grow up.

My appeal to you was coming from my place as a mother who is watching her son prepare to move out of our home. He hasn’t left the nest yet, but his days with us are numbered before he leaves for college and independence. I find myself wanting to celebrate all the little moments we have before he flies away.

I was surprised at the discovery of our dilemma, and I admit that I let myself become distracted by some previous struggles we have experienced with coaches. When I stopped to look at things from different perspectives, I was able to be open to understanding where the coach was coming from.

When I asked the coach about the timing of the trip, he explained that there were no options that would avoid the Easter conflict. (OK, I didn’t want to argue that one.) When he added that his wife wasn’t too happy about it either, suddenly I was able to see something I hadn’t seen before. I felt like the Grinch who Stole Christmas when “his heart grew three sizes that day.” This coach was asking his family (his wife and three young daughters) to make a sacrifice as well. His family is not going to have the Easter celebration of their choosing so that the coach can take my son and the rest of the team to Arizona for spring break. If I choose to look at it that way, I can see the generous gift my son is receiving from a coach who cares enough to take time away from his family for the sake of the team.

To top it off, he offered to provide transportation for any player who would like to attend church service on Easter. Now, that sounds like a solution that takes care of what we both care about. Although we each don’t get to enjoy our traditional family Easter celebrations, we will still be able to honor the importance of the day. And as so many of you recommended, this may turn out to be a growing experience for my son that could have a positive influence on him and others around him.

Our solution is that my son will be traveling to Arizona with his team because this is a very special time in his life and this experience is important to him. As with other challenges in my life, I can choose to focus on the good stuff. I will miss my son while he is not with us this Easter, but I will enjoy celebrating the day with my daughters and husband while my son enjoys time with his team using the gifts God has given him to be the best teammate and baseball player he can be.

Thank you again to all of you who have shared your thoughts and suggestions with me. Your input is a gift to others, and we are all better for the opportunity to understand your perspective. You make BioForce the rich, diverse, and caring family that we hope to be.

Your SportsMom,
Laura

When my husband told me that he had announced my blog to his email list, I felt a bit of panic come over me. You know, like I had just found out that he had invited company for dinner and we are nowhere near ready to entertain. Well, right now I feel like I am at the point where the house has been straightened up, but the groceries are spread all over on the kitchen counter and recipes are scattered around…and guests are going to start ringing the doorbell at any minute!

So, if you are here and things don’t look quite ready… 

“Welcome to my home! I am so glad you are here. Please come in and visit. You can keep me company while I cook things up. I am planning a full buffet of delicious entrees. Right now we can start with some appetizers (some occasional posts). Make yourself at home, but I wouldn’t recommend snooping around the house. I haven’t had a chance to work on the upstairs (those tabs at the top of this page) yet, so it’s not ready for company. Now, sit down and tell me…what have you been up to lately?”

Let’s get this party started!

Laura

        Where do we turn for answers to our moral dilemmas in our sports family, where baseball is religion? Well, almost a religion. God is always first in our lives. At least that’s what we try teach and model for our children. So who can I turn to for advice on our current situation? Dr. Laura? Dr. Phil? Nolan Ryan…WWNRD (What Would Nolan Ryan Do)?

          Last night, as I worked on our calendar for a family of six active people, I discovered that our son, who will be a senior on his high school baseball team this spring, is scheduled to be out of state with his team on Easter. I understand Easter happens to be during our spring break this year, but still I think there might have been other options. If our lives hadn’t been so busy with things like winter holidays, running our own business, and traveling to California for my grandfather’s funeral, I might have been paying closer attention to our spring calendar earlier. So, now I sit here, stunned at the situation in which I find our family, and I’m asking myself some deep, moral questions: How much do we sacrifice for the team? How can I pass along our family faith values in spite of a coach who schedules a team trip on a religious holiday that is important to us? What is best for my son? What is best for our family? When do I get to have any say in our schedule? What price are we willing to pay to speak up to a coach who already questions our son’s commitment to his program no matter how many fundraisers he helps with or how many family activities he has foregone for the sake of the high school team?

          Over the years, we have been able to balance religion, family, and sports pretty well. In my mind, there are some dates that you just don’t touch when it comes to scheduling youth sports. I understand that when the kids go to college, that changes. My older son belongs to his Division 1 university team. But when our kids are still in high school, I don’t expect to lose them to high school sports on one of our most important religious holidays.

          So, dear sports parents, what would you do? Is anyone else out there dealing with something similar? Do you have any answers? Where do you draw the line? Am I out in left field on this one? Let me know what you think. I’m looking forward to having this conversation with you.

Your BioForce Sportsmom, 

Laura